Another tough one, now this one will be deep, but I suppose there is no point in doing this unless I’m totally honest, and maybe sharing what scares me will help someone out there or it gets forever lost in the depths of cyberspace either way Im good!
Im afraid of falling, in every sense of the word.
So in the literal sense, a lot of people have the falling nightmare a sense of not being in control and theres nothing you can do to save yourself right. Well I’m fine with heights as long as I feel safe Im ok.
So technically its not the fall that scares me, its the feeling of falling that feeling of having no control over whats happening to me.
I know this seems like such a stupid thing to be scared of but this fear impacts a huge amount of my life mixed in with a similar fear of failing can be crippling. It causes me to distrust sometimes, to work myself ragged instead of sharing the workload.
Im reluctant to ask for help, as the need to have someone else fix what I cant is crippling.
In my head I know this fear is irrational and hopefully in time, with the right people around me, both professionally and personally this will help.
So I didnt click publish on this one when I should have, probably for the best, but i just wasnt ready to share just yet ans havent fully told my fears. I find it so hard that this post stopped my 31 day challenge. I need to 100% commit to this post before I update.
Im scared of everything! Im scared that people will see I’m scared. That people dont like me, that im not good enough.
Today I have made the decision to publish this post, hopefully it will change me life, not in the way that millions of people read it. More in the way that my deepest fear wont always be true. Dare I say it? I could be wrong.
And just to let you know, this is what changed today , I may have fell asleep 5 mins in (beds too comfy) but just downloading this audiobook meant I was ready for a change.
x Mel x